All About Chastity Play

Chastity play is one of the hottest and most hotly debated topics in sex right now.

Most people who have not experienced chastity play have a lot of questions and biases about the practice, and there’s a lot of misunderstanding about why a man would want to participate in having their cock locked, what the woman gets out of the play, and how it fits into the much broader discussion of BDSM, femdom, and relationships in general.

Chastity “play” is for one person to purposely choose to refrain from sex. This is not to be confused with chastity that is related to religious beliefs, or personal beliefs, or something that is done without consent, or the historical implications of chastity. Chastity has been around a long time, and what we’re talking about here is mostly within the context of consensual kinky play. The historical and religious implications of chastity are major hurdles that have to be addressed to dispel much of the negative connotations and misinformation here.

We’re going to focus mostly on chastity play that occurs between a dominant woman and a submissive, who is usually male, because that’s what is most relevant here, and that’s what is highly popular at this time. However, it’s important to say that chastity play can be with a dominant man and a submissive woman, or within an LGBTQIA+ relationship, and any other variation. Additionally, some people put themselves in chastity for many reasons that we’ll explore below. Chastity play doesn’t even expressly require a partner at all.

Why would a man agree to participate in chastity play?

The first thing everyone wants to know is why anyone would willing participate in chastity play. It makes no sense to anyone who is completely unfamiliar with role playing, power exchange, or kinky play in general.

Speaking broadly, submissive men enjoy chastity play for several reasons.

The first and greatest reason is turning over an intimate and important aspect of their life to a dominant partner. Most men who are submissive find it especially thrilling, and scary, to let a dominant woman control such an important part of their lives. It’s one of the biggest things that a submissive man can do to show devotion and submission to a dominant woman, because it holds such power and primacy for the man. It’s hard to explain this to people in the vanilla world because they don’t understand BDSM at all, and it gets into many other aspects of kink play.

Men are often raised to value sex and sexual conquest as a vital part of what makes you a “real man.” Giving that up to a dominant woman opens up all kinds of aspects of humiliation, sacrificing control, and accepting the role of being submissive in general.

But, chastity play can be sexually thrilling for men too! This seems to be contradictory, but this is a huge part of chastity play.

In some cases, just the discussion of chastity can be enough to elicit a sexual thrill. That’s how powerful it is!

Delaying gratification, and letting the desire build over time can create an explosive result. Often, the prevalence of visual stimulation and having an unchecked ability to experience orgasms leads to either too much attention on masturbation and orgasms, or worse, it all becomes mundane. Chastity play can reset that dynamic entirely, and put more emphasis on special occasions. One orgasm becomes a huge event when it’s not so available.

Chastity play is also a powerful component of control in BDSM, whether it’s with a dominant girlfriend, or a full-blown Mistress/slave relationship. By giving up control over your orgasms, you give your dominant partner an incredible way to control you and your actions. You can be teased about orgasms, it can used for correction, humiliation, or as a reward.

In fact, the possibilities are nearly endless!

What does the dominant woman get out of chastity play?

A woman who takes the dominant role in chastity play has access to a lot of power and control over her submissive partner.

It is generally known, within the kink community, that a man who is practicing chastity, or is in a chastity device, is much more submissive and compliable than those who are not. It simply comes down to the importance of orgasms for men, and how handing over that control puts that power in the hands of their partner. Men in chastity will work harder, be more submissive, and try to please their partner more, because that’s the only path to release. So, for a dominant woman, chastity play gives them a lot of power.

A dominant woman also has a lot of avenues for play that are revealed with a partner in chastity. That includes humiliation and teasing about being in chastity, making the submissive do tasks to get release, adding days or weeks on to how long he stays in chastity, discussions about how she’s getting off while he isn’t, and so much more.

There are many more reasons that a dominant woman might enjoy having their partner in chastity, but ultimately, she knows that her partner in chastity is totally focused on her, and is completely loyal to her, because they can’t play with anyone else without her permission.

How does chastity play fits in the overall kinky relationship?

In a kinky BDSM relationship chastity play becomes the ultimate tool in the toybox for a dominant woman.

We haven’t talked much about penis cages up to this point, but using a cage can be a way to take chastity play to another level.

A cock cage is either a plastic or metal device that typically attaches behind the balls of a submissive man and is secured by a lock. (There are so many other variations, like a device that attaches around the waist, or a cage that attaches to piercings.) What a cage does is make it nearly impossible for a man to either get hard, or to fully pleasure themselves. Obviously, cages are only for those who are really into chastity play.

One symbol that has become very popular is using the key to the device to represent that the woman has the man on lockdown. Women will wear the key around their neck or ankle to subtly display to the world that her partner has surrendered his orgasms to her.

Cages also become an incredible unending reminder of who is in control for the submissive man too. It’s something that is always on, day or night. It’s uncomfortable in most situations, but particularly when he’s being teased because it’s impossible to get fully erect. It’s a physical barrier to getting off, but it’s also an outward sign to anyone who sees it that he’s in chastity and someone else is in control.

There’s no cheating while in a chastity cage.

Chastity play has the capacity to greatly expand the possibilities for scenes, how scenes play out, and the intensity of the scenes. For the men in chastity it can actually create more excitement, can make the man more focused on their partner, and prove a greater level of devotion. Dominant women will find that chastity play will make their partner more compliant, eager to please, and know that their partner is loyal.

But ultimately, for those who choose to participate in chastity play, it allows for greater intimacy and a more intense connection, that is hard to match.